Some aspects of domination do not come naturally to me. So much of my sexuality has been about putting my partner at ease and making sure they are deeply comfortable, emotionally and physically. Because if they feel safe and at ease, they’ll be able to more fully relax and enjoy themselves, right? Right? Well, mostly. Until you start venturing into the deeper waters of BDSM play.

For instance, I’ve always thought that heterosexual 69 should be done with the woman on top, which allows the woman to control the depth and speed of the fellatio. Additionally, if the guy is on top he runs the risk of suffocating his partner when his ballsack settles over her nose while her mouth is already quite full.

For the past several months, I have been involved with a partner who has been eager to learn to deep throat. As there is a significant BDSM aspect to our relationship, the “learning” has been fairly aggressive at times. We started with hanging her head off the edge of the bed (which helps straighten the bend between her mouth and throat) while I fucked her mouth somewhat aggressively. From this position I played with pushing my cock farther into her mouth, seeing how deep I could go before engaging her gag reflex, challenging her to hold her breath, and sometimes fucking her mouth with more force and speed. Her progress from week to week has been a very pleasant surprise. It didn’t take long before I was able to push into her throat on a regular basis and she proved herself capable of swallowing my cock in more conventional positions, such as kneeling in bed.

As we were tumbling about in bed recently, she ended up reclined while I knelt at her head. I dangled my cock within reach of her mouth, expecting a friendly little lick or kiss on the head. Instead she sucked my cock fully into her mouth and I seized the moment to advance her training. I pulled her arms straight down her sides and pinned them to the bed with my hands while I straddled her head and pushed my cock deeper into her mouth. Instantly her arms began to struggle in my grip and her hips twisted side to side looking for escape. I lowered myself until my belly was pinning her chest to the bed and fucked her throat deeply. When her desperation reached new levels, I lifted up and allowed her to take thirsty gasps of air. After the briefest of respites, I pushed in again and took her throat roughly. We repeated this over and over, me fucking her mouth and throat roughly and her frantic heaving breaths. Occasionally, she managed to wrench her arm free and would push at my torso trying to dislodge me. When I would relent and allow her a brief bit of air, her hand would fly to her face to wipe away tears and drool. I quickly forbid that, pinned her arms again, and wiped my cock across her face multiple times until she was slick and wet. And then I forced myself into her mouth again, and again, and again. I quickly learned her panic “flight response” started several seconds before she actually needed air, and I could distract her and prolong the experience by giving her orders before I would pull back and let her breathe. Commanding her to grasp my ass with her hands and pull me in deeper was an especially inspired moment, as it forced her to take my cock a little deeper and a little longer before I finally acceded to her panic and let her draw in air again.

We’ve done this several times now, and it has become a favorite part of our routine. If we do it multiple times in an evening, I can feel when her throat gets a little swollen and is harder to push into. Her voice develops a rasp for several hours afterwards, which amuses both of us. “I’ve finally gotten that Tallulah Bankhead bourbon-and-cigarettes voice that I’ve always wanted,” she says with a big smile. And when we are separated and she is feeling my absence particularly sharply, she will complain, “My throat is so very empty.”

A similar story could be told about fucking. Despite its reputation as a vanilla mainstay, I’ve always been quite partial to the missionary position. It puts the female partner in a very comfortable posture, there’s ample eye contact, kissing can happen, as well as breast play, clit play… what’s not to like? Don’t get me wrong, I mix it up a lot, but missionary is a very reliable part of my repertoire.

Once again, “as we were tumbling about in bed recently”, I found myself straddling the girl while she was face down on the bed, arms and legs straight. I started with the intention of sliding my cock against the crease of her ass, teasing her a bit. This is perhaps the time to mention that this is my first partner with a particularly small (but absolutely exquisite!) ass. I soon found that my cock was getting quite damp from the sliding back and forth, because her cunt with surprisingly accessible and exposed. Straddling her ass and thighs, I sank my cock into her waiting pussy. The opportunities presented by this position were revealed in very short order. I spread my fingers wide and braced my palms against the back of her rib cage, locking her in place and making her helpless. Any effort she made to twist and writhe away only served to drive my cock into her deeper. I played with depth, teasing her with the head of my cock just barely sliding in and out of her while she whimpers in need. When I drove in deep and hard, the head of my cock pushed against her g-spot in a way the makes her exceedingly happy. Once again, this position has become a featured part of our toolkit now.

So more lesson from my on-going journeys into BDSM. Using my body to pin down and trap my partner. Forcing myself on them (in an entirely consensual way!). Appreciating the pleasures to be found in discomfort.